Thanks for the memories
by Miss I DON'T know it all
Summary: "No! I can't lose her Angel! There has got to be something?" I heard Buffy yell. I still didn't understand why she cared. "You know i want to save her just as badly as you do, she's like family to me too you know!" Angel barked back, he always stood up for me. "What about those names? Those things she pulled out of her memories?" Buffy was almost begging. "Not enough." I heard.
1. Join the ride

**Hey guys, this is my first BTVS fic and it's been awhile since i watched the show so if you find some mistakes don't hesitate to tell me! Anyway this is going to be fuffy endgame but it might feature other ships before i get to that like one sided dawn/faith; buffy/angel; cordelia/faith and then finally buffy/faith. It also features kennedy/willow; cordelia/dawn; xander/anya. **

**Hope you enjoy! please R&R?!**

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I was crying so hard that my head was pounding, like someone just took a sledgehammer and beat the shit out of my brains. I cried and cried as silent screams pierced through the room. Those were the worst, the silent ones were words that could not be spoken, things that should never be remembered. I clawed at my own skin as I felt the ghost of his fingers over my body. I curled myself up even more as I bit into my pillow to muffle the sobs.

I was shaking and every inch of my body was trembling with the force of the heart wrenching shocks my body endured every time his face appeared in front of me. There had been more than one but I the last of them was the worst. He had done the unspeakable thing.

When I finally had turned into a slayer I took it as a sign that my life was going to change. And change it did. My mother finally drank herself almost to death and he finished off what she had started. I came home to find him choking her while he got himself off. The asshole was so busy fucking my mom to death that he never heard me pack the only back pack I had ever owned, took whatever money he had in his wallet and high tailed it out of there.

Things had been better after that when my watcher tried to be the mom I never had but then we had Kakistos and that was that. The rest is history from there on. And now here I was, going through all of it again and I did it willingly. It was a known side effect of the spell Willow had cast. But something had gone wrong, somehow they could see everything I could see. They saw the memories flash before them as I went through the motions. I tried to control my mind as much as I could. I tried to stay clear from the worst of them but I knew I had to do it. I had to face my biggest nightmare and remember where exactly I was from, what my family looked like or I could remember. I needed them, blood relatives. _Why you ask?_

I had gotten sick, just normal human sickness and Willow couldn't cure it this time. No spells can heal human organs and I needed a donor. The thing was that it had to match. I needed a kidney and I needed one_ fast._ They had all got themselves tested, the entire Scoobygang. Even Angel and his team did what they could but no match was found. I had given up then but Dawn had brought up the word family and they pushed me until I caved and told them I had erased those memories. I had used a spell to wipe them away but since I was no witch there was a slight problem. Willow had found that they weren't really gone, more like locked up. So she said she could reverse the spell and let them out again. I knew what it could do to me, what it had made me do without even being fully remembered. The memories my body had and the current nightmares had driven me mad once before, I was sure this time it would be the same. I tried to warn them but they said Willow had figured out a way so that they could be there with me as I went through it all. I don't think I understood that they really meant actually being there, seeing those memories.

I heard them gasp several times, I had even heard Dawn scream occasionally and Xander was sobbing full on. I could hear their intakes of breath, I could feel the tension in the air and the atmosphere shifting around us. It went from shocked to angry to downright horrified.

I went through the worst of the worst. There was just no telling what memory would be thrown at me next. I had no choice in which ones I wanted to call upon anymore. And they saw it all. They saw how her first boyfriend pinned me to a wall as he burned the back of my neck with his cigarettes. They saw how I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin was raw, they saw all the bruises and the scars I had in ten different moments where I stood in front of our broken mirror checking the damage. They saw how I had to steal food to survive, they saw me and my mome getting evicted and evicted over and over again. They saw me trying to run away but always going back home, not being able to live with the guilt of leaving my mommy all alone. They saw how her second boyfriend threw a bottle at my head and I had to be taken to the hospital. I couldn't stop the memories coming back from the times when I had found my mom almost dead on the couch because of the drinking or the drugs, or both. I think we had at least a dozen different memories where I was dialing the cops or the ambulance. They saw me getting placed into the system and ending up with parents who beat the shit out of me and used me as the maid. They saw me run away again, back to the last apartment we had lived before they took me away. _Luckily she still lived there._

When we started the memory of the first time I was raped I did all I could to move on, to save them from it but it was no avail. They saw it all. I heard Kennedy telling Dawn to shield her eyes. I think I heard Anya say we should all cover our ears since I was probably going to scream next. I on the other hand already knew that I wouldn't. I would not make a sound. _I never did_.

A couple of dozen memories later we finally got some good ones and I hear Giles repeat the names my mother occasionally mentioned. We finally got to a memory of when I was two years old, one I didn't remember ever having. I was sitting at the side of a pond. A man sat down next to me, I immediately noticed the similarities. He had the same dimples, the same brown eyes and the same dark hair. He looked tanned and not really American, he looked more like a European kind of guy. Then we had another bad one. The man was screaming at my mother. He was yelling that she had to stop drinking, she had to tell him what had happened to her all those years ago. I could hear him begging to tell him why he never got to meet his parents in law. She yelled and threw a bottle. Suddenly he was standing before me and crouched down to my level.

"I'm coming back for you kiddo."

That's when it all went black.

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**Whatcha thinking?**


	2. Waking up

**Sorry for being gone for so long but i wanted to do this story right and somehow i just had no idea what to do with it. If some of you are still reading this, thank you for your patience and here is another chapter. I have written up to chapter four already so if anyone is interested, review and let me know. I'll post the others shortly then. For now, enjoy!**

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**Last time:  
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_"I'm coming back for you kiddo."_

_That's when it all went black._

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I woke up with a pounding head ache. I could feel something heavy on top of my chest and I peered out under my eyelashes. I saw a flash of dark hair sprawled out on me and a pair of arms wrapped tight. I couldn't move in fear of waking said sleeping person up. I recognized the smell of roses anywhere.

It left me puzzled. When had I been transported back to LA headquarters? I opened my eyes fully and waited for them to adjust to the little lighting there was in the room. I glanced down to see Cordy laying contently asleep on the flowery duvet. I snickered as I saw a little drool at the corner of her mouth and a soft gentle snore coming from her made me hug her before I propped myself up straight against the head board. I was surprisingly not at LA headquarters, in fact it had seemed I hadn't left the Summer residence at all. I wondered how Cordy had gotten her of course. It seemed so weird to have her back with me, in Sunnydale no less.

I strained my ears and used my slayer hearing to pick up a conversation I heard going on in the kitchen underneath the room.

"Angel, tell me what did you find?"

It was unmistakingly Buffy and her voice sounded too shrill for my liking.

"Stop brooding dammit and tell me!"

I hadn't ever heard Buffy yell at angel before. I wondered what she was talking about. Another apocalypse maybe?

"Don't tell me we made her go through that without it having any use at all!"

I heard some low mumbling and I figured Angel had answered her questions with a negative answer because next thing I know she's exploding.

"WE MADE HER GO THROUGH THE MOST HORRIBLE MEMORIES ANYONE COULD EVER HAD FOR **NOTHING**?"

The shouting stirred Cordy from her sleep.

I smiled down at her sadly, remembering what had transpired before I passed out. Tears gathered themselves but I refused to let them fall. I watched Cordy wake up through a blurry vision. Before I even had the chance to say good morning her thumb wiped away a stray tear that had been dripping down my cheek none the less.

"Don't _cry_ Slayer."

Her tone was affectionate and teasing, like our friendship had always been. Ever since Angel helped me redeem myself and I helped me break my way out of prison I'd been a part of the gang. I loved them all and for once they loved me back. I became a part of the family and I treasured that feeling. When I became sick, they did all they could to help me but there was only one witch strong enough to perform the memory spell I had been the subject of. I needed to sift through the memories for one reason only. I needed to find a relative. Quite soon actually. I was sick, as I mentioned before but it was no demon, no spell, it was nothing magical really. I had kidney troubles and I needed a transplant. And no one I knew matched.

To say the Scoobies were apprehensive of helping me was an understatement. The feeling was mutual. I had screamed at Angel and begged and pleaded. I was not going back to Sunnydale. Alas, two weeks later that was exactly the place I was headed.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you Faye."

I looked down at her. Her eyes were sad. I didn't like it.

"I hate that you had to go through with it all alone."

I scoffed at that.

"'Was hardly alone Cordy."

She looked up in surprise.

"Something went wrong I guess. Scoobies went in there with me."

She gasped in surprise and tightened her hold.

"They saw it?"

"Yeah."

It was quiet after that. She rubbed my arms through the fabric of my long sleeved t-shirt.

"I'm so sorry."

I shrugged.

" Wasn't like you coulda done something 'bout it Cordy. They didn't want that to happen but shit needed to be done yeah?"

She shook her head angrily.

"I'm still going to give Willow a piece of my mind Faye and there is nothing you can say that will stop me."

I laughed gently.

"I know better than to mess with _you_ babes."

"Damn right."

I heard more shouting downstairs and tried to block it out.

"Why is Buffy shouting so hard _this_ time?"

I shrugged again.

"Doesn't seem like it helped."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed heavily.

"They didn't _find_ nothing."

Cordy pulled away in surprise and looked at me mouth agape.

"Nothing?"

"Nope."

"So basically you had to go through all of that, I might add, for nothing?"

"Was a long shot C. We didn't know if it would help or not. It's shit but yeah."

Cordelia pulled away and rose to her feet, her hands angrily placed upon her hips. Her stance suggested she was ready to chop someone's head off. I only hoped it wasn't willow. She might be a wicked witch but she was no match for an angry Cordelia.

She sighed and ran her hands through her messy hair before she stormed out of my room, slamming the bedroom door. I heard her stomp down the stairs and Buffy's voice rung out immediately after.

"CORDELIA CHASE! Will you not stomp so loud? You'll wake the house up!"

"Shut up Summers. Your shouting did that already."

All I heard after that was mumbling. I was hardly able to determine when Angel was whispering and when Cordelia was. Instead I focused on the soft footsteps coming up the stairs. I wondered if Dawn was coming up to visit me. She had started doing that ever since the first night I slept in her old parents' bedroom. She'd apologized for her friends behavior, especially her sisters. I had shrugged it away and opened my arms up so that she could crawl under the covers with me. I'd always wanted a little sister.

But it wasn't Dawn's nerdy face I saw peeking through the door opening. It was a blonde, cute head with hazel eyes shining even in the almost dark room.

"_Faith_?"

I smiled at her whisper.

"Faith are you awake?"

It was so child like I found it endearing. Then again I'd always found what Buffy did endearing. I wasn't going to lie, I liked Buffy, I always had.

"Yeah."

I don't know why I whispered, there was no use to it really and I distinctly remembered her shouting downstairs minutes ago.

I felt the bed dipping and I knew she was sitting by my feet as I sat up against the head board, my legs crossed Indian style.

"I'm not going to ask how you're feeling. It seems pointless. The fact that you've been out for three days says enough."

I looked up at her in surprise.

"I was out for three days?"

She nodded.

"Didn't Cordelia tell you?"

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself.

"We didn't get to it. She kinda stormed out after hearing you two shouting downstairs."

"You heard that _huh_?"

She chuckled humorlessly.

"Was pretty hard_ not_ to, B."

She looked me straight in the eye, with a look I couldn't identify.

"I guess not."

I looked away feeling goose bumps rising on my skin. Her stare was piercing through ma and I didn't like it. The butterflies turned into a brick and my stomach dropped.

"You don't need to stay B. I'm a big girl I can get up and dressed and packed alone."

I stopped myself from adding, I've always done it alone.

Her face turned from shock to surprise to worry to concern.

"You think you're packing?"

I shrugged my shoulders for what felt like the millionth time today. Judging by the look on her face that hadn't been the right answer. She crawled to me and straddled me before placing her hands on both my cheeks, giving me no choice but to look at her as she spoke slowly but determined to make me see sense.

"You are not leaving Faith. Not until we find you a donor and even then, the only place you'll be going to is the hospital. Do you get _that_ Faith?"

My eyes widened in surprise and I tried to nod but the forceful grip on my head refused to let me do so.

"I'm not letting you go. Neither are the Scoobies. I know we were a little doubtfull when you came to us but I honestly wanted to believe you'd changed. I could tell from the minute I saw you. The way you dressed, the way you acted, talked. It's so mature, so different from when we first met. And I'm not the only one who's noticed it!"

I smiled gently. A part of me was happy that they'd seen the change but still, I wanted to go back home. I wanted Angel to come pick me up and just take me back to the gang. If the spell hadn't helped I doubted we'd ever find a matching donor. If I was dying I wanted it to be on my terms, my way and that did not include Sunnydale.

"I can't let you leave Faith. Not again. I won't let you leave."

She shook her head sadly and pulled her hands away to wipe the tears from her eyes. I quickly pulled her hands away and cradled her in my arms. I had always been a sucker for pretty blondes, but I was an even bigger sucker for crying pretty blondes.

"Shhh."

I rubbed my hand on her back, drawing slow circles trying to calm her down. It was obvious she wasn't just talking about my illness. I figured we had a lot left to talk about.

"It's okay B. I'll be fine. I'll be five by five yeah?"

I didn't know what else to say so I just held her and waited for the sobs to disappear and her breathing to even out.

"But" sob "you" sob "_won't_ be" hiccup "alright".

I smiled sadly, chances were pretty slim for me but I wasn't going to give up so easily. I never had and I never will.

"Hey come on now B, I've been through worse than some bug yeah? And I've got the two best research teams on my side, so you guys will find me a donor any minute now."

It didn't calm her down one bit. She knew as well as I did, there wasn't a donor in sight.

"Come on B, I love to have you in my arms and all but I never pictured you cryin'."

She chuckled at that and the sobs slowly calmed down to an occasional hiccup.

"You imagined holding me like this?"

I blushed profusely at the statement and hummed quietly into her blonde tresses.

"It feels nice."

I smiled against her head.

"_Really_ nice."

I held on a bit tighter and I felt her nuzzle her face in the crook of my neck, sighing happily.

"You should be a pillow."

I looked at her funnily.

"Don't look at me like that."

Her eyes were closed but figured she knew I was looking at her like she'd grown another head.

"You could make a lot of money being a pillow. You're _soft_."

I laughed at that. I guess it was her way of making light of the conversation.

"Nah B, never been a hugging person."

"But you're hugging _me_."

"Yeah. But you're different."

"Good different?"

"Yeah B. Good different."

* * *

Later that night i heard Cordelia ordering Buffy to call the gang in LA and have them sent over. If they hadn't found anything by now, it was up to them once again to pick up their slack. Buffy had protested but relented in the end not seeing the trouble in having another group of people actively searching for anything that could help them further. As the door cracked open a sheepish looking Dawn had shuffled her way in. I moved to the side, allowing her to cuddle up beside me as i pulled the cover over our bodies.

"B seems to have calmed down again."

I spoke in a whisper now that the shouting downstairs had ended.

"She's been shouting a lot lately. I think Cordelia brings it out in her."

I chuckled at that.

"Yeah Cordy does that to most people i guess."

"She doesn't do taht toy Angel or you."

I shrugged.

"No i guess she doesn't."

I felt Dawn sink deeper into the bed, sleep threatening to take her away any minute now.

"She doesn't do that to me either."

I glanced at her with a puzzled expression but she was already asleep. Worries for another day, I thought as I stored it all away in my mind as sleep whisked me away to a more peaceful state of mind. _Sleep now, worries later._

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**So anyone stil interested?  
**


	3. Again

**Last time:**

_"Nah B, never been a hugging person."_

_"But you're hugging me."_

_"Yeah. But you're different."_

_"Good different?"_

_"Yeah B. Good different."_

* * *

Another week went by but nothing, they couldn't go on the leads from my dreams so when Willow stood in front of me in the kitchen, clutching her coffee mug and staring with that awful guilty look of hers I finally gave in.

"_Spit it out_ Red."

But she shook her head and stared down in the mug at the awful coffee Giles had brewed this morning. The man still didn't know how to set a proper pot of it. Ugh British men, I thought.

"Come on. I can already tell I won't like it but you never know. _Tell me_."

She looked up with a somber expression on her features.

"I suggested we do the _spell_ again. But slower this time, try and work on selecting memories and learning how to control them maybe."

I sighed hard, it seemed logical after all. If I could learn how to control them I might find something useful.

"It's the last resort we want to go to but things are just.."

I smiled sadly.

"I know Will, I've been searching with you guys there just isn't much to go on."

She nodded.

"Bet you Cordy was against it _huh_?"

Willow chuckled darkly.

"Yeah she was, and Dawn and Buffy too. They all said I was a sadist for even thinking of putting you through that again."

I crossed the distance and stood beside her, letting my arm brush hers in reassurance.

"We all know you didn't suggest it out of spite or to purposely torture me for what I did to you guys in the past. We moved on from that Red. I know you just want to help and I admit it sounds like a very _logical _step to take."

She looked up at me in wonder.

"**Stop** looking at me like that. I know big words and proper sentences and shit. I just don't use them a lot."

Willow shook her head laughing.

"No not that although I am happily surprised by your use of general American English I meant, you agreeing to go through that again? It's weird. After what we saw I wouldn't.. You're too strong sometimes Faith. It scares me to be honest."

I looked at her questioningly.

"You're so strong you'd even look death in the face with a smile and make sure we're all okay. You don't seem afraid of anything although we all know that's not true."

I winced a bit but drank a sip from her coffee to calm my nerves.

"Yeah. That sounds about right."

She smiled at me.

"Kennedy is just like you, y'know. She looks up to you _so much_. I didn't think I'd ever get insight into you until I met her. Funny how she changed my life, really turned it upside down. I love her like I haven't done in a while."

"I was told Tara came back."

Willow smiled.

"She couldn't stay long, besides I think she was glad to see I'd found happiness again."

I nodded. _Yeah, Tara would._

"She always liked you."

I looked at her puzzled.

"Tara. I mean, _Tara_ always liked you."

'I always liked her too."

I jumped on top of the counter as the rest came barging through the doors.

"Oy you lot, come here for a sec."

They looked at me surprised.

"We're doing what Red said. I don't _care_ how you feel about it, if I agree then everyone else does too. So let's get a move on, grab pen and paper. Ya never know what ya might hear _or see_."

And so we went about it. Red would need to perform another kind of spell now, instead of unleashing the memories I had to relive them. She warned me I would literally relive them also here in the now which meant I'd have to bear the pain physically as well as mentally. That brought up another round of heavy protests, this time even Xander was against it but Angel silenced them all. He informed them I was my choice to make as it was my life that was on the line. My say was law in this case. I nodded gratefully at him. As Willow went over the steps I agreed and she started prepping the rest. This time no one would be travelling with me so they would have to watch me and listen closely if they wanted to gather any intel on my memories. The gangs reluctantly agreed and Willow told me to lie down on the couch.

Memory after memory flashed before my eyes. I tried to control them and found that this time I had slightly more power over them. When I was faced with another memory of my stepfather (was it the fourth or the fifth?) raping me I growled out a no and shoved it away from my mind. Surprisingly so my spirit listened and I found myself sitting at a duck pond. I saw a swarm of them on the water. My feet were dangling in the cool liquid as the wind softly blew through my hair. I felt at peace here. I heard a low chuckle from beside me and I turned to look at the man I'd seen last time. He was smiling at me and tapped the tip of my nose playfully.

"Dreaming again are we kiddo?"

I just looked at him and tried to memorize his face the best could but apart from those dimples and his hair, the image was blurry.

"It's _okay _Faithy. I won't hold it against you. Mommy isn't here now, so she won't get mad either."

I frowned at that. It seems mom hadn't ever been any different.

"I know you're mad at her kiddo but she went through some _bad stuff_ when she was younger. It seems she never got over it and ever since we had you it sort of, I don't know I think it just came back to her?"

He seemed to be talking to himself more than to me. Suddenly my interest was piqued by white boats racing across the rippling water. I recognized those rocks, I recognized that tavern in the distance. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before!

"We'll be alright kid. Once we move back to Boston we'll get a new start. _You'll see_. It'll be like old times again. Your mom will be glad to return home. This city wasn't for her anyways. I just liked it here I guess."

I smiled, happy at remembering yet something useful however he took my smile for something else as he cradled me against his side gently.

"Maybe _we_ can come back here someday kiddo. You and I."

I nodded, maybe we would.

And as the image started to fade I woke up with a gasp. Was it possible to miss someone you couldn't ever recall you'd met? I looked at Angel who smiled at me so sadly I had to drop my eyes to the floor.

"Again."

I heard myself say the words and fell back on the cushions.

"Are you sure ab-"

"**Again**."

After performing the spell three more times though my world went black again as I felt another wave of excruciating pain hit my body. I hadn't stumbled upon another memory of my father., only those of the many stepfathers.


	4. Lunch Time

**To my 9 followers and 7 reviewers, you guys are amazing and you're the reason i haven't given up on this fic just yet. Enjoy the next chapter, i hope it is to your liking. It is a slow build up for every couple i am planning. There's a lot of things to deal with, not only Faith's sickness. However it puts a time limit on it though. Alright, on to the story!**

* * *

**Last time:  
**

_"Again."_

_I heard myself say the words and fell back on the cushions._

_"Are you sure ab-"_

_"**Again**."_

_After performing the spell three more times though my world went black again as I felt another wave of excruciating pain hit my body. I hadn't stumbled upon another memory of my father., only those of the many stepfathers._

* * *

I woke up to a cool cloth being pressed against my forehead and my ass lying on what felt like comfortable sheets. The room reeked of sandalwood however and the smell of it made me scrunch my nose in disgust. I preferred the roses from last time. I heard a faint chuckle come from beside me and I already knew who was sitting next to me. I never had to open my eyes or even say a word as the high pitched voice spoke the thoughts I'd been thinking.

"I know, this damn place stinks of it."

I laughed and opened my eyes to look into her annoyed ones.

"Let me guess, Willow did this?"

She sighed in irritation and looked at me with a smirk.

"Who else? The friggin' hippie won't quit about elements of nature and balance. This shit is supposed to help you but I think it just stinks. Just like the roses did."

"It does C but if she says I might help.."

Cordelia snorted and fixed me with a glare.

"She wants to believe she can help. She feels bad, they all do and they _should_."

I tried to sit up but my body was still sore and it hurt to even move an inch.

"Shhh, Faye dear, your body is still recovering. That spell sure did a number on you."

I smiled crookedly before a question formed in my mind. Again before I could ask anything she answered it already.

"You were out three weeks this time. The gang has been working nonstop, even the freaking Scooby Doo's have. At least _Velma_ has been useful."

I punched her in the arm at that.

"Hey shut it C. Will has been good to me the past weeks, so has Kennedy. And Dawn."

Cordelia smiled at the last name. I stored her reaction away in my mind for later.

"Yes, the little one has been at your bedside with me for every hour she was free. Except for the times Bleach- Buffy kicked us out."

I stopped laughing at Cordelia halfway through the last sentence until it registered.

"Wait up C! B's been checking up on me?"

Frowning at my hopeful smile Cordelia took my hand in hers a bit firmer.

"Yes _Slayer_. Everyone has but _she's_ the only one who managed to spend the nights in here with you. She kicked me out the first times but in the end she let me stay over too sometimes. As if I'd _let_ her tiny ass stand in my way of seeing you."

I huffed at that, what was up the blonde's sleeve to come and stay with me at night, every night? I remembered the little conversation we had before, more like me reassuring her in the only way I knew how. Still, we hadn't really talked about anything, didn't really sort things out. I guess she was serious about seeing how I'd changed and all that. Seems like she really wanted another shot at this, friendship or companionship or whatever it was we had. _Fucks with my head_ a bit though, not gonna lie to myself about it.

"Did she say why?"

Cordelia shook her head in the negative.

"I assume she felt guilty as _all _of them did."

Cordelia knew all too well about my crush on the blonde slayer. She never understood it but she accepted it for what it was. She once encouraged me to go for it, try and at least work out the differences between us but I'd been too scared. They never believed I could change so what was the point? I was never going to be with Buffy anyways. Although considering our last talk, this was the best shot I was gonna have to at least be friends with her. _I could do that right?_ Besides she probably did feel super guilty. _Goodie two shoes_ complex and all that.

"Maybe she wanted to see if I'd say anything useful in my sleep or something."

"Yeah right. Performing her duty as **THE** slayer no doubt."

I admonished her for her tone but she bristled in anger at my reprimand.

"They made you go through _HELL_ Faith! I may not have been there, I may not have _damn seen_ what happened to you like they had the privilege to do the first time but I am not a _fool!_"

I grasped her flailing hands and patted beside me on the bed. She moved from the chair to lay down beside me as she placed her head on my shoulder.

"You don't know what it's _been_ like Faye. But I hate how _self-righteous_ they're all acting now that you're supposedly '_good_'. They weren't there to see you evolve the way we have! Angel and the gang, **WE** have been there for you every step of the way and **we** know you better than those idiots. And to see them trying to _best _us, trying to pretend like they know you any better because they knew you first? It's gotten under my skin. I'm glad I could come up here away from them most times. Angel comes by often enough for a minute. Summers is even getting under _his _skin, which is saying much."

That actually was saying much. Last time Angel and I talked he told me he still loved Buffy with all his heart. Something like a _first love_ but how he'd come to realize that not only they couldn't work with the whole vampire thing and all, but that she could find love again with someone else and he could too. They weren't meant to be. Still that meant Angel carried a torch for our _Golden Slayer_. It made me understand Cordelia's resentment a bit better since she found herself with some feelings for the brooding vampire back when she first came in the gang. I think everyone saved by Angel who might fall for a man, eventually ever fell for him once. I know I did but I got over it pretty fast, _lucky me_. He was more like a brother to me now. But Cordelia had struggled longer than I had.

"And they're always hitting those friggin' **books** I mean there is technology and the bloody witch is good with them! So instead of searching in those stuffy old things she should help us find more data that was actually _usable_. Magic isn't going to save anyone this time and they know it! But do they listen. **OH NO**."

I let Cordelia rant as she laid there since it helped her relax more. I figured she'd be all done in about fifteen more minutes. It's the way she worked. It gave her something to focus all her pent up emotions on, anger being the easiest to let resurface. I knew all about that one.

"Seriously and that _Kennedy_ chick, she reminds me way too much of you. It's unhealthy so we had her checked out. Too bad she didn't turn out to be a long lost relevant of course, _no_ we wouldn't be that lucky. Still I get why you're cool with her and all she could be your _twin_ sister for heaven's sake. Then there's Spike acting like a moron every time always talking in riddles, riling Buffy up saying god knows what every time she steps foot out on the porch. It's annoying because she comes in looking like a damn porcelain doll about to break into a million pieces and of course they all lose several minutes gaping at her when they think she won't notice that they could spend on searching for your fucking _father_!"

As she reached the end of that sentence she took a deep breath as if to start again but suddenly two quiet knocks were resounding on the wood.

"Oh _damn_ that must be Dawn! It's near lunch time already!"

I looked at her in surprise.

"She always comes to check up on you during her lunch breaks. I haven't told Buffy about it since she'd forbid it but the girl needs it. She needs to see you, as much as she says she's come to enjoy my company I know it's _you_ she's here for."

Cordelia looked almost a bit sad by that.

"Now close your eyes _slayer_, I want to surprise her."

Again two knocks were heard and Cordelia sat up and turned herself towards the door before flicking her hand. The door clicked open as I peered from underneath my eyelashes and revealed a sheepish looking Dawn holding brown paper bags.

"Hi Cordy."

She waltzed inside, not noticing I was awake as Cordelia sprung from the bed hastily and made her way towards the little desk in front of the window where Dawn was unpacking various things in containers.

"I brought you that _chicken_ thing you liked so much last time. I figured you may want to try mine again so I took an extra portion. I also brought some desert with me. Chocolate mousse. You said it was Faith's favorite right? Well I thought you might like it too since you told me how you'd get hit by her for taking some of her precious homemade bowl of it?"

Cordelia looked at Dawn with a curious, amazed gaze which didn't go unnoticed by the other two brunettes in the room. For now Faith decided to lay low and watch the interaction. It seemed as if both Cordy and Dawn had grown closer over the last three weeks in her absence.

"So _uhm_ yeah – I just thought you'd like it. Since you miss her. I mean we _all_ miss her but I know you and well Angel probably miss her _most_ since you _really_ knew her and I only knew her through the mails she sent me and i-.."

She was silenced by a finger of Cordelia resting on her lips and a slight chuckle from the older woman as it bounced around in the room.

"Shh now dear, that's really thoughtful of you."

Dawn blushed hard at that and her gaze followed the digit as it was taken back by its owner.

"Yeah well. I try."

She gave Cordelia a smirk and shrugged as she unpacked the rest of the brown bags.

"You _succeed_."

This made Dawn blush again as she smiled a little mug.

"How are the _merry_ band of idiots dong?"

Dawn chuckled at that and shrugged again.

"Not much progress. Buffy and Angel got into it again. Giles actually broke his glasses cuz of the rubbing he does all the time. Willow has been helping with the tech stuff and Ken has taken Gun to see about some lead but they don't think it'll go anywhere. Doesn't hurt to try though."

Cordelia rubbed her shoulder affectionately, another thing for me to store away in my mind and I watched as Dawn relaxed upon the touch, sinking into it, welcoming it.

"I just get annoyed sometimes because I want Faith to wake up _too _y'know? I want to find her father too! Buffy seems to forget we **ALL** care about Faith and we _all_ want to save her, not just Miss Precious. I could care **less **about school right now. My mind isn't there at all so _why bother_?"

Cordelia sighed and wrapped her arms around Dawn as she hugged her from behind. The young girl's shoulders had started shaking a bit, I could see a tear rolling down a cheek before falling to the ground. Cordelia murmured something in her ear and I had to tap into my slayer powers to hear it.

"I know dear. She forgets that you're not a child anymore but that's because you're her little sister and I know, I know it is very frustrating. I see the _brave_, powerful _young _woman you've become in the years I haven't seen you or well, remember seeing you but I know for a fact she only does it because she loves you. _Be patient_ my dear, I know she can push those limits of ours but just hold it out for a bit longer."

I saw Dawn sigh deep again.

"Besides I have a very pleasant surprise for you, that'll ease your mind a little bit and everyone else's too when they'll come home in four hours. Until then I give you permission to stay home. I'll cover for you at school don't worry."

Dawn turned around in her arms and looked at her with such an innocent expression, my heart hurt for her. She was like the kid sister I never had. I mailed her as often as I could telling her all about missions and answering all her questions. I was patient with her in a way I hadn't known I could be and soon enough I found that the kid wormed her way into my heart and now it clenched painfully at the sight of her tears, shed for me.

"Look to your _right_ dear, you'll see someone has graced us with their presence today.

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**What you guys thinking? Any ideas or things you wanna see happen?  
**

**Reviews are love!**


	5. Visitors

**So i just got another 3 people telling me they'd like me to continue this. So for these ten reviewers and nine followers I've written another chapter for this story. I actually really like writing it and I do have an idea of where to take it but that doesn't mean it's all set in stone. So if there's somethin you'd like to see, please review and tell me so. I can always use some ideas or input to make it better. Anyways on with the story.**

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**Last time:**

_Dawn turned around in her arms and looked at her with such an innocent expression, my heart hurt for her. She was like the kid sister I never had. I mailed her as often as I could telling her all about missions and answering all her questions. I was patient with her in a way I hadn't known I could be and soon enough I found that the kid wormed her way into my heart and now it clenched painfully at the sight of her tears, shed for me._

_"Look to your right dear, you'll see someone has graced us with their presence today._

* * *

Cordelia took a step back from Dawn who frowned for a minute there at the loss of contact. _Huh, seems they grew A LOT closer in those three weeks._

I smiled at an awestruck Dawn who was looking at me like one would a new movie trailer. Her face changed from disbelief to relief and excitement in exactly three seconds before she shrieked and jumped on me. The impact of her long, tall body took out all the air from my lungs and I gasped for it as I puffed. _Damn, that spell sure wrecked me_. I refused to believe she wasn't a little girl anymore.

"**Dawn**!"

Cordelia was quick to pull her back off of me and check for damage. Luckily the stitches hadn't ripped and the bruising didn't seem worse. I hadn't asked Cordy why I had them, I knew they must be remainders of the spell. It sucked having to go through all of these past injuries again but I was sure the witches were doing what they could to speed it all up.

"Hi there kiddo! How's it all going?"

Dawn looked guilty until Cordelia sighed and went to sit down beside me before patting the spot in the bed next to her. I shuffled a bit to give them more room as a sheepish looking Dawn climbed up onto the bed again.

"Sorry." She shrugged at me and settled immediately against Cordy's body as she looked at my wounds pensively. I raised my eyebrow at Cordelia who merely raised an eyebrow in response. I smirked happily, I'd get it out of her later.

"S'all good kid, don't worry 'bout it. So the gangs haven't found anything yet huh?"

Dawn sighed before grasping my hand, running her soft fingertips over the knuckles.

"Nothing useful so far. It's driving everyone up the walls but we'll find something. We _always_ do."

I sighed.

"I'm sorry kid. I wish I could tell you more but I had no idea I even remembered my father. Mother always said he took off right after I was born. Since I couldn't remember I figured she was telling the truth or at least somewhat."

Cordelia started running her hands through both our dark locks as she hummed softly.

"We'll find _something_ Faith. We always do."

I looked at Dawn and her determined expression and it shook me then how much she'd grown up. Her face was delicate but with strong features such as a nice strong jaw, big eyes, full lips and straight nose. Yeah, she'd grown into a wonderful woman but I was glad to see her personality still remained completely hers after all the shit she went through. I felt weirdly proud in that moment. I looked at Cordy and saw a wistful expression settled upon her face as she stared at the back of Dawn's head.

"I know you guys will Dawn. Just gonna hafta be _patient _and all that jazz. Ain't really cut out for that the both of us but we'll suck it up and deal yeah?"

Dawn nodded firmly.

"_Yeah,_ we will."

And so we laid there as Cordy gently combed our hair with her fingers as Dawn filled me in on what I had missed. Soon enough I'd felt my eyes droop and Cordy's gentle voice whispering I should just go to sleep again. She was right though, that spell had taken a lot out of me. Just for a few minutes I muttered, just closing my eyes for a bit here. I was only going to rest for a minute then I'd be back in the land of the living.

When I woke up to the sound of yelling downstairs and I watched the dark sky out of my window I realized I'd slept another entire day almost. I made a move to get up but stilled when the pain shot through my body again so I settled on the yelling.

"**No** Cordelia! You had the entire time she was awake with her and everyone else has been by to see her ever since. The night is my time, **MINE**. Now move _out _of the way and let me go up to see her. I won't wake her unless she's having a nightmare I promise. Now _let me go_!"

Cordelia snarked right back and I could feel her anger in her voice. Poor Cordy, winding herself up like that would give her a migraine. She had them often when under stress, which was like _all _the time.

"That's _rich_. What do you know about Faith's nightmares huh _Princess_? You weren't there when she had them so don't you dare tell me you know a **damn** thing about them!"

Buffy must've kicked something since I heard a loud thump followed by another.

"Dammit Cordelia how _many_ times are you gonna throw that in my face _huh_? You don't think I regret what I've done to her? I gave up on her too quickly, I was stupid and young. I saw the world in black and white but I grew up Cordelia and I **deserve **another chance."

Cordelia chuckled coldly.

"Oh do you now? And where was _Faith's_ chance when she asked for it?"

That stilled Buffy and I could almost feel the guilt of the Blonde. Seems like our connection was still as strong as ever.

"_Please _Cordy, I know I messed up and I know you don't trust me but I have seen.. God I saw.. I missed her when she was gone y'know? I was too _stubborn_ and to _righteous _to fix it, to pick up the phone and just call but now she's **here **and I don't want to waste this chance I have to fix things with us. I want at least some closure on some things and you know she wants that _too_. Just let me go up and see her for tonight okay? You can take over in the morning like you always do. Just give me tonight?"

I heard Cordelia sigh before gentle footsteps came up the staircase. Cordelia stepped aside probably. I heard the knock and saw the handle twist as I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. As the light of the hallway fell upon my face for a minute I could hear her hold her breath in before closing the door behind her and sighing tiredly.

"Oh _Faith._."

My name fell from her lips in a tired, longing voice that reached into my very heart. It even skipped a beat.

"How am I going to save you Faith? _How_? I don't know anymore sometimes but I _need _to save you so I won't give up Faith. We won't give up on you. _Not this time_."

I listened carefully.

"I made _so_ many mistakes by you already I don't want to make another one."

I felt her settle in the chair beside my bed.

"I know you woke up today. That's good. Dawn told me she filled you in so I guess for once I don't really have many things to tell you about my day."

I pondered her words, did she come and tell me about her day every night? I couldn't remember hearing her in the thick sleep I'd had.

"I meant what I said downstairs Faith. I've _missed_ you, so much. I was just stupid and I'd been burned by you so bad before that I couldn't open my eyes to see what was right there in front of me."

I swallowed the lump hoping she didn't notice.

"I'm just _so_ sorry Faith for all I did back then in Sunnydale. Especially for how I treated you, how I let _my friends_ treat you. I let myself be fooled by your tough, bad ass exterior when I knew there was more to you than dark red lipstick and wrestling alligators. I was just a stupid teenager then."

I bit on the inside of my cheek to keep myself quiet.

"You really hurt me though when you turned on us. But it was mostly my fault anyway. I knew that the second I realized the only reason you even chose **the mayor** over me was because he manipulated you into believing he _loved_ you. God knows maybe he _did_ in his own twisted way."

She grabbed my hand and traced the palm of it with her fingertips as she shuffled closer. I held my tongue and figured she'd come sit on the bed once she was ready to.

"But that was all you ever wanted _huh_ Faith? To be _loved_? To feel _accepted_? And I did all of the opposite. And _Angel_ and his gang, out of all the people, were able to give you what we failed to. I don't think I've ever seen Cordelia defend somebody the way she always defended you whenever I was over at LA Headquarters. She's a piece of work but she cares about you Faith and I'm glad she does. She and I might not always have seen eye to eye but she's a good friend to have. I'm just jealous I guess of her easy bond with you. It's my own fault, I know but still."

She sighed again and squeezed my hand a bit before her one became even sadder than it already was. I fought the urge to open my eyes and cradle her face in my hands. God know that crush still hadn't faded after all these years. Seeing or hearing her hurt still made my heart ache.

" I told _mom _about you before she died. She told me I should have forgiven you already. You were just another victim just as I had been many times before. She told me not everyone gets the happy home and a good mother, loving and caring the way _I_ did. I may have had a hard time with the divorce and my dad leaving the way you did, she told me you had it worse. She could _tell._"

I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I opened my eyes but Buffy was too busy staring at my hands to notice.

"She _forgave_ you Faith, a long time ago and so did my sister. I was the only one of the Summers family to hold a grudge and I held one even longer than **Willow** did there for a while. God I'm _so_ stupid. I really _can_ be a blonde sometimes."

She chuckled humorlessly.

"But I **do** Faith. I _do_ forgive you and I think my heart did a long time ago too. I was just too stubborn to admit it."

I cleared my throat ad she looked up at me with big wide eyes.

"I forgive _you_ too B."

"Faith?"

I just smiled at her.

"Yeah B it's _me_. And I mean it too, I forgive you but that don't mean we ain't gotta talk about the shit that went down between us cuz it was _fucked up_ Blondie. We need to work some of that out though. But we can do it."

Buffy seemed to lose her bearings for a second as I opened my arm and motioned for her to come lie down with me. She did as instructed and snuggled carefully into my side.

"You and me chick, we'll be alright."

All in all I thought, it was the weirdest but deepest conversation I ever had with the blonde. No matter what may come at us in the morning, at least I knew I was forgiven. By _all_ of them. By _her_.

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**R&R people, it's the only thing to keep me going y'know apart from cookies. Those help too.  
**


	6. Confusion on both sides

**Hey guys, so i had some people saying they liked and wanted more? I know there aren't many people out there reading this but to those who do, thank you. You guys truly make me wanna write another chapter each time you review. Enjoy!**

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**Last time:**

_Buffy seemed to lose her bearings for a second as I opened my arm and motioned for her to come lie down with me. She did as instructed and snuggled carefully into my side._

_"You and me chick, we'll be alright."_

_All in all I thought, it was the weirdest but deepest conversation I ever had with the blonde. No matter what may come at us in the morning, at least I knew I was forgiven. By all of them. By her._

* * *

I opened my eyes again to see the sunlight peering in the room from behind the closed curtains. I peered down to my chest to see blonde hair spread out over it. I sighed happily, to know that Buffy had stayed the night even when I was up and talking somehow meant a great deal more than It should but I couldn't allow my rational brain to ruin this little moment of peace for me. It seemed as if the blonde was already up because her head rose from my chest to watch me with a sleepy smile. God she looked adorable first thing in the morning.

"Good morning Faith."

I smiled down at her with a small smirk and before I could stop myself my hand reached out to tuck some flaxen hair behind her ear already. It only earned me a slow surprised blink and a slight blush covering her cheeks.

"Morning B. Sleep well?"

I waggled my eyebrows and jutted my chest out a little. It was enough to see her flush and the fleeting glance she sent my breasts just lingered a tad too long to be purely innocent, but then again it probably was just my sleepy mind seeing things that weren't really there.

"Yeah, I'm _uhm _sorry y'know for _uh._.Well..."

I laughed goodheartedly at that and wrapped my arms a bit tighter around her, giving her a slight squeeze which earned me a genuine smile. Her eyes lit up a little at my playfulness and once she realized I wasn't the least bit bothered by it she allowed herself to roll over, half on top of me ( I tried not to think about the thigh that was already nestled in between my legs) as her arm that wasn't underneath me came to rest on my collar bones. As her pretty head took its rest upon it I realized just how close her face was to mine. Only a slight dip of my head would be enough to brush my lips against her, to taste the flavor that was Buffy Summers. _Oh and how I wanted to kiss those pink, soft looking lips_. I cleared my throat a bit and took a deep breath, which happened to only enhance the humming in the lower parts of my body as her unique sent filled my nostrils.

"It's cool B."

My voice came out raspy and low and I hoped she'd think it was still due to sleep and not so much the coiling of my lower stomach as her fingers aimlessly traced a pattern on my collar bone. Sure me and B had been in each other's personal space before but that was almost always fueled by anger or frustration and some underlying sexual tension (_at least on my part_) but this, this was nothing like the snarling insults or the violent grabbing we did when we got into each other's face for whatever reason we were fighting about that time. _This time_, Buffy chose to lie so close to me, she chose to allow herself to be comfortable enough around me and I liked it. I liked it way too much for it to just stay friendly. If she didn't stop gazing at me with those hypnotic hazel eyes of hers I would surely cross the line and kiss her. _Why does she have to be so enticing?_

"'Sides, I don't blame ya for napping on my rack. These babies are soft like pillows. Although I hafta say usually when people drool on them it ain't due to actual _sleeping_, if ya catch my drift Blondie."

Her cheeks turned a dark shade of crimson at that and once again I caught her glancing at my breasts, probably making sure she hadn't really drooled on them. I lifted my left arm from her waist and tilted her chin up towards me to give her an assuring smile. I wanted her to know I was just teasing; _the poor innocent girl would probably have a heart attack if I didn't._ I remembered how she used to react to my flirting and advances. It was either blushing and squirming inappropriately or snarling some insult at me, some jab about my promiscuous ways. She never knew that apart from Xander, I hadn't fucked anyone since I set foot in Old Sunnydale. The quick roll in the shag with the boy only confirming that no matter whom I was sharing the sheets, _I couldn't think of anyone but her._

"I didn't, I don't think I really drooled. Well not that much."

Her stammering was cute and her nose scrunched up in a small second of confusion. I chuckled which caught her attention. I could feel her prying eyes on my neck, trailing up to my lips. _Shit is it possible to feel someone's stare on your lips. _I kept my eyes locked on her gaze. _Like was that even a thing?_

"Wouldn't mind."

My voice was low, husky and it was the voice Cordelia jokingly called the "thrall". She said it's the voice I used when talking someone into my bed, which I didn't need to do very much. I still had a wicked body, at least of that I was sure considering the many times girls and boys tried to hook up with me back in LA. I never really did too many one night stands anymore. I tried a couple of relationships but they never really worked out. Cordelia once confessed she had a crush on me and we kissed. She was a nice kisser and she knew me well enough so soon enough we were dating and that moved to fucking – _let me tell you she's a wild cat in bed_. But after a couple of months the fighting was just too much. We didn't match as a couple, we always had as friends but the pressure of being in a relationship and the things we demanded from ourselves and each other were ruining every good thing we still had left. So we split and worked out our issues. I was glad to say Cordy and I pulled through it and were now stronger than ever. Sometimes we still slept together, we still kissed when our emotions were running high or something really bad had happened and we just needed someone to _feel _something. It never messed up the friendship because it didn't change what we were. I was glad for that. But as her Buffy let her eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips I felt something I hadn't felt with any of the other people I ever shared a kiss with, _not even good old Cordy_.

"Hmm."

As she hummed her body slowly inched more and more on top of me as she moved up closer. My hand wrapped itself around her cheek and cupped it. I licked my lips in anticipation as I watched her pink tongue dart out to do the same. _Was it happening?_ She inched even closer and I could feel her breath hitting my lips. Her scent was overwhelming my system, my brain turning hazy and my body trembling with excitement. _This was it_, what I waited for since I met her years ago. I could feel the faintest of brushes of her lips and the sparks started flying already but before she could fully press her lips against mine I heard thunderous steps coming up the stairway. The loud noises seemed to snap Buffy out of her daze as she quickly pulled back with wide eyes darting everywhere and avoiding me. I sighed in frustration as the steps slowly faded again in the distance and stared at the ceiling to collect myself. I slowly gave her a push and she rolled off of me to the side of the bed she'd been occupying the previous nights.

"Faith I-"

I cut her off with a finger on her lips as I hovered over her a bit, her eyes widening again and her pupils dilating a little bit. This was still Buddy Summers after all, goodie two shoes extraordinaire and of course as she'd always been – _straight_. I hadn't expected that to change in all the time I'd been away. Our slayer bond was something special for sure but it didn't mean she would suddenly be open to try anything with a girl. I smiled at her sweetly to assure her it was all cool with me, whatever happened or didn't just happen.

"'S cool be. 'S all fine I get it. We went through some shit these weeks, you was scared I wasn't waking up and you was being a little emotional now that I am up and all."

Her eyes hardened at my words, probably for hitting the nail on the head once again. But she opened her mouth to protest again and again I cut her off, not really wanting to hear the rejection from her own lips even if they had been so close to mine. I'd seen the panic settle in her eyes when she realized what was happening, I'd seen the fear and the uncertainty. She didn't want to be kissing _me_. Suddenly I was assaulted with images of an outraged Buffy confirming her heterosexuality every time I hit on her or gave her ass a playful slap. The glares had only aroused me more back then.

"I won't read anymore into it B. I _know _you're straight, I remember you telling me that _millions_ of times in Sunny D. It's all good yeah?"

I pulled away from her not looking at her expression and rolled off the bed myself, surprised at how much better I was feeling. The strength seemed to be returning to my bones by the minute and as I stretched I felt no broken ribs or internal bleedings anywhere. _Wicca's certainly knew what they were doing_. I stood up to watch Buddy regard me with a curious gaze, her eyes stuck on my stomach for some reason. The tank top had ridden up a bit showing off some olive toned flesh of mine. Surprisingly I didn't see a big bruise peering out from underneath it. I lifted the tank top up a bit by the hem and watched amazed as there were only a couple faint yellow patches littered across my skin instead of it consisting out of angry purple and blue bruises – _like a freaking patch work_. I smiled happily. This meant I could actually get up and be of use to everyone. _Yes time for action!_ I glanced to Buffy to see her eyes focused on my skin; I would almost say it her roaming eyes felt like she was checking me out. I dropped the fabric to let it cover my abs once more and I heard a tiny whimper at the action. When our eyes met I swore a saw the hunger swirling in them but I quickly shook my head clearing my thoughts. I wasn't going to let my hormones ruin this second chance I'd been given by the Blonde. _Lord knows I almost just did_.

"I know. It's amazing right?"

Her eyes blinked in surprise and a frown appeared as she raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Cocky much?"

Her sass stunned me for a second as I watched her sit up straight and cross her arms with an annoyed huff. Until I realized she thought I was referring to my obvious abs.

"Hah no B _not at all_. 'Sides I'm sure you got as much muscle underneath your _pristine_ outfits as I do. 'Was talkin' 'bout the bruises. They've healed like ten times faster than la – _I thought they would_."

I walked around the bed and nearly hit myself for misspeaking. I strutted past her towards the closet where I'd put my bag. As I opened the doors I caught a small glance at the blonde sitting behind me.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry Faith I don't even know where that came from!"

I chuckled.

"I do B. It's how you used to act with me. _It's cool_."

I turned around with the bag in my arms. It wasn't really heavy since I'd left the weaponry stuff downstairs. There wasn't a lot I thought to bring except for some clothes, my wallet and laptop.

"No it's NOT Faith. I told you I wanted this to work. I wanted to fix what went wrong with us yet at the slightest possible reappearance of your old habits I go and act like a _bitch_."

She seemed rather upset with herself so I just made my way towards the bed, dropping the black bag on the mattress and move a hand to hers that was resting on her knees. She was half sitting on the side of the bed now and I squeezed her fingers quickly to let her know I wasn't upset with her.

"I get it B. I _do_."

She glanced up at me with regretful eyes and I wished I could just wipe the look of remorse off her pretty face. Her pouting was too cute though and I found myself looking at her jutted lips. Clearing my throat again I unpacked some jeans and a burgundy red, silk, button up shirt.

"I still _am_ sorry though, for reacting the way I did."

I just shrugged at her and met her gaze head on.

"We haven't talked in ages B. I don't expect you to just _forget_ about shit because you decided you've forgiven me. There's a lot of bad blood between us and you're right we should work it out. We really should but I was hoping we could do that and still keep a bit of our old ways in this new... well _whatever_ this is."

She lifted an eyebrow and looked at me with a little mirth shining in her eyes.

"So you'll keep on riling me up with inappropriate innuendos and turning everything we say into a _sex_ joke?"

I smirked at that.

"Yeah B, and that's not even the best part of it!"

She raised her second eyebrow and leaned towards me which had me gulping a breath for a minute before the playful glint in her eyes registered. I smirked as she seemed to recall the familiar bantering ways we had long before I turned dark.

"Oh and _tell me then_ Faith, what _is_ the best part then?"

I shrugged before staring into her smoldering green eyes and leaning forward, so that we were almost nose to nose. I dropped my eyes to her lips and met her gaze again this time letting my voice drop on purpose.

"Your reactions. Cuz deny it all you want sister, you _love it_ when I rile you up. Makes you just wanna, **ungh**."

I said it all in a low, husky tone and put the emphasis on the moan like sound at the end of the sentence. This time however she didn't pull away with an outraged expression even though her cheeks and neck flushed a delicious pink. In fact she even licked her lips as she opened her mouth to speak. But a knock on the door interrupted what she was going to say and broke the spell once more. I pulled away and sent her a quick wink which gave her a little assurance as her lips curled into an uneasy smile before I said something along the lines of '_Chill B. See we're still good at it_.' As a second knock resounded I cleared my throat again, I was gonna have massive throat problems if this shit kept happening and raised my voice so the person on the other door could hear me.

"Come in."

The door creaked open and a sheepish looking Dawn appeared. I felt Buffy's glare from miles away and as I glanced at the clock I knew why. Dawn was late for school, like seriously late.

"Hey Kid."

I ushered her in quickly and took her in my arms for a fleeting moment. I felt her strong, long fingers wrap around my biceps squeezing them a little before she stepped back again.

"Hi Faye. I wanted to see you before I went and Angel just came down to tell us he thought you were awake since he heard voices in here and well I figured I could just knock and see if you really were awa-"

I interrupted her ramblings with a hearty chuckle and grabbed her hand in mine.

"I get it Kid; you wanted to come say hi before you left for school. No biggie."

I heard a scoff to my right but ignored her. Dawn merely rolled her eyes at her sister.

"Yeah well _Cordy_ is waiting in the car, she's going to drive me to school and she told me to tell you to be ready for her when she gets back."

I smiled at the words, knowing all too well that Cordelia was going to drag me around for an entire day now that I was up and about. I nodded and squeezed her hand again before letting it fall back to her side, all the while feeling the curious stare of Buffy on it.

"Tell her I can take **anything** she's ready to dish out. I know how to handle her."

Dawn blushed at the playful way the words came out of my mouth, clearly still thinking I meant more than I actually did. I never really was able to make anything sound less dirty or laced with another meaning no matter how much I tried. Cordelia always said it was a curse and a gift at once. I couldn't agree with her more as I felt Buffy glare at my head. _Why she seemed to do so I had no idea._

"Yeah, cool I'll tell her. It's good to see you up and walking though. How are the bruises?"

I lifted the tank top up again and heard her gasp with surprise before briefly letting her fingertips trail over the healing flesh.

"Yeah I know Willow seems to have found a way to make it all heal some faster. I'm gonna hafta thank her for that."

Dawn nodded and as a car horn resounded outside I caught eh faint blush that spread across her cheeks again. I dropped the fabric and she took a step closer, wrapping her arms around my neck and pecking my cheek before she stepped back.

"You should. But I _really_ gotta go; I don't want to piss off Cordy."

I chuckled at that.

"No you wouldn't."

She smiled before she made her way towards the door and glanced back at her sister.

"Are _you_ coming down the stairs too? Breakfast is ready. Xander made waffles."

She looked hard at her sister but Buffy seemed torn for some reason as her eyes flickered between the door and me.

"It's cool B. You go ahead, I'll be right down. Gotta change an' freshen up a little. I probably reek from lazing in the bed out for weeks."

"You weren't _lazing about_ Faith! How can you **say** that! You were seriously ill because of the spell!"

I was shocked at her reply; she was seemingly defending me against myself? The thought was confusing but Dawn merely rolled her eyes at the overreaction of her sister. I caught her gaze and she shrugged at me as if to say '_this isn't the first time she's done this_' and I looked baffled at Buffy again. I wasn't sure what to say to make her calm down.

"I know B. It wasn't some dig at myself okay? I was just trying to make light of things yeah?"

Her hardened gaze softened immediately and she blinked twice as if to shake her head of the thoughts she had been thinking.

"Right, _god_ sorry Faith. Again."

Dawn shot me a curious look but I blew her off lightly.

"It's cool B."

She stood up and came closer to me, grabbing both my hands in hers.

"Do you feel okay enough to dress yourself? You sure you don't need me to stay and help?"

I had no idea what she was really asking me, there seemed to be something hidden underneath the words she just uttered_. Was this still about the almost kiss we had earlier?_

"I'm fine B. Stop worrying so much okay? I told you last night, I will be alright."

I pulled her into my arms briefly and felt her relax against my body. _God she must've been really worried about me huh to be acting so concerned and all_. It still threw me a bit but I wasn't going to lie. I liked it that she cared, I liked that I could pull her in a hug now without preamble.

"We'll be alright, you and me."

I mumbled the words into her hair, willing her to find herself again. She looked so out of sorts, so broken almost that I had trouble recognizing the Golden Hero I was so used to see in her. It seemed as if she was tired, so damn tired. I could relate to that. I had not been around as long as she had but fighting side by side with Angel had taken its toll on my life as well. I knew Angel was even more worn out because he was the leader after all – _and down here in the New Sunnydale, Buffy was the leader once more_. For a fleeting moment I wondered if she still wanted to be the one everyone turned to. Unlike before the big war she'd looked less adamant about taking charge and bossing everyone around these days I'd been around. Maybe she finally learned to delegate a bit. _Sure couldn't hurt_. I rubbed her arms up and down before turning her around and pushing her towards the door again into the waiting arms of a sad looking Dawn.

"It's okay Buffy, you heard Faith let's go downstairs."

The soft tone in which she spoke to her sister had me thrown even more. Something was definitely up with Buffy because it wasn't like Dawn not to act like a brat around her sister. My heart clenched painfully at the thought that maybe Buffy wasn't all that strong as she'd always portrayed to be. _After all, everyone has a breaking point_.

Dawn looked at me with apologetic eyes before she closed the door. I sighed heavily and turned to get dressed. A shower would certainly do some good I figured as I sniffed under my arms. _God and you let Buffy lie close to you stinking like you do? Ugh._ I grabbed the clothes and stalked towards the ensuite bathroom, humming an old tune under my breath unaware that it was a melody I hadn't ever remembered learning – _or not consciously at least_.


	7. The truth gets served at breakfast

**Hey guys, sorry for the wait again but the exams are almost over. Anyways i was writing this and i made it extra long so you guys migth forgive me? About this disease she has, i don't know shit about it so i use what i find on the internet. I hope I don't offend anyone or y'know just let me know if I get things wrong. Anyways, yes Faith is going to be a bit oblivious to what is going with her and Buffy. A bit drama too, warnign you it's a little angsty.**

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_Dawn looked at me with apologetic eyes before she closed the door. I sighed heavily and turned to get dressed. A shower would certainly do some good I figured as I sniffed under my arms. God and you let Buffy lie close to you stinking like you do? Ugh. I grabbed the clothes and stalked towards the ensuite bathroom, humming an old tune under my breath unaware that it was a melody I hadn't ever remembered learning – or not consciously at least._

* * *

I washed up and regarded myself in the mirror. I looked tired, a lot more tired than before I came here but that could most certainly be the fault of the spells. If only I hadn't known already that it came with stage four of chronic kidney disease. The fatigue was one thing; it was easier to handle being a slayer. My body taking longer than it should have to actually degenerate. It gave me a few more years but it also made recognizing the symptoms a lot harder. It also meant that I was stuck in ta more dangerous phase where I was to be prepared for renal replacement therapy. It's the same reason why I was here. _I needed that donor_.

It should've been discovered in stage two really, when signs of the kidney damage would have been obvious. Abnormalities in my blood, in my urine, the fatigue and the swelling. It should have shown a lot sooner but my body rebelling against the natural events had caused the symptoms to be lessened, which made them else visible to the normal eye. It didn't expand time in the same extensive manner though, it didn't really give me that much more of it but it was something. And that something was the possible chance of finding my father. _At least if the dirt bag was still alive_. God knows what could have happened to him. _He could be out there laying in a ditch somewhere the fucker._ It bugged me not knowing which side of the family this disease had come from of course. At first I thought it might have been due to the drinking but then I quickly realized that yeah, I knew how to move the drinks but I was a slayer. My body could deal with the alcohol well enough. Besides partying had been long over and done with ever since I turned to LA for help. I grew up and stopped all of my immature behavior. Jail certainly had helped in kicking old habits if only because I wasn't able to do them anymore.

I leaned over the sink and splashed some water on my face again, feeling my heart pound in my chest. It had gotten worse these last weeks. My body was telling me lots of things and for one my heart wasn't all that happy. It came with CKD, the doctor had said. There was the actual failure of my kidney and then the risk of heart diseases or abnormalities. He'd already established I had too little red blood cells in my blood and even though the swelling in my ankles wasn't really that obvious most days, sometimes you really couldn't miss it. And it was gross, I tell ya.

I pulled my red, silk shirt on and buttoned it up. I'd lost weight too, probably from all the stress and being unconscious. I pulled on my jeans, jumping from one foot to another trying to catch my balance before pulling on my socks and sneakers. I stepped out of the bathroom to look at my bag and sigh before I pulled out the orange container and popped the pills the doc gave me. They tasted bitter but I swallowed them dry. It's how I always swallowed them.

Deciding to make the bed later I turned and opened the door to the hallway, ready to step down the stairs when a worried Xander caught me by the elbow.

"Hey."

I looked at him in surprise and tried to offer him a small smile to hide the fact that I wasn't all that comfortable with him grabbing me like that. He looked down at his hand, curled around my arm before sighing and stepping back as he released my hand. My shoulders sagged in response and I felt a breath leave my lips. I wasn't comfortable being touched unless I initiated it. Or if it was someone I trusted well enough. And gotten used to enough as well like C or the kid. Or Buffy.

"Hi Xander."

He looked at me confused before frowning.

"Are you _okay _Faith?"

His words were loaded with a depth I didn't understand. He knew I was sick didn't he?

"Well apart from a bit more of symptoms today I'd say I am about as good as can get. Why'd you ask?"

He just smiled sadly.

"I'm worried I guess. You were out for a while there."

I smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder.

"I'm fine Xander. Stop worrying about that and focus on making me breakfast. I heard from Dawn you made waffles?"

He didn't laugh nor did he even attempt to joke with me as I'd known him to do all along, in fact he looked even sadder and just hung his head low.

"Do you hate me Faith?"

Well that question threw me. Shit man what brought this up?

"Uhm – _What _– Why?"

I cleared my throat and tried again.

"Why'd you think that man?"

He just bowed his head again and leaned against the wall.

"You've been calling me 'Xander' ever since you first arrived here."

I threw him a questioning glance and motioned with my hand for him to continue.

"You did that to Willow first too and Giles and well, everyone but now you _don't_ anymore. Well not really. I've heard you call Willow by 'Red' again. And I just – I _wondered _– well why not **me**? Why am I still _Xander_? When Buffy is back to being B, when Giles is back to G-man and you never even stopped calling Dawn, Kid either so why **me**?"

I shut my mouth and took a deep breath. I hadn't called anyone their respective nicknames to keep them from being reminded of whom I had been when I last saw them. I didn't want them to feel anything from before. If they were going to help I needed them to understand I wasn't that girl any longer. I might still use nicknames but I wasn't out for their blood this time. To know I had spoken the names I had given them at first with joyous intentions with such venom, spit it right back at them like I had never meant for them to mean anything good I just stopped myself from uttering them.

Dawn hadn't ever lost the nickname, I hadn't ever done anything to her and ii had never said the name with anything less than kindness. Or at least that's what we both 'remembered' by the monks. However even with her I had refrained when she contacted me a long time ago. Soon enough though she'd confessed to me that she kind of missed being called that. She felt like it was something that she missed in out rekindling of our friendship. So I had started using the term again, storing the beaming face away each time I called her that until it registered in my mind that it was okay to call her that.

Funnily enough Willow had come up to me and just told me to call her 'Red' since it was frustrating her to hear her birth name fall from my lips in such a poised manner. She didn't like it and she felt as if it restricted our bantering, restricted us from rebuilding that bridge I thought was long burned. So I called her Red again, once in a while though. In my head she'd become Willow and it would take a while to get it to change again.

Giles was G-man simply because he had been Wesley's support in acting as my watcher. It sure didn't click between us right away after our first disastrous meeting but Giles slowly got me to trust him. Angel was still wary of him, after all this time. Maybe he wouldn't ever trust him and that in its own had made me feel safe enough to do so myself. Fangs could lose sleep over it for once instead.

"I didn't know I could."

He just stared at me.

"I needed to know I still _could_ Xan. Last time I said it I wasn't all that nice to you now was I?"

He smiled a bit crookedly at that and shrugged.

"You're plenty nice now though _Faithy_."

I scrunched my nose and shook my head.

"Yeah we're not doing that."

He just laughed and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder as he pushed himself away from the wall.

"Was worth a try though _huh_ Faith?"

I chuckled at his humor, I missed him. I hadn't realized it but I did miss him even if he could be a sexist jerk sometimes. He could always bring out some stupid jokes to make light of things, he never feared to embarrass himself to make it all just a bit more bearable on us.

"Sure was Xan The _Man_."

We were climbing down the stairs, the noises of the kitchen becoming more prominent as I reached the bottom.

"No _why_ do I sense some sarcasm in there?"

I shoved him as I jumped off the last two steps.

"Cuz you're a right _kitchen princess_, Xan The _Man_."

He just smiled and chased me into the kitchen. I plopped down on one of the barstools, when I realized the kitchen had become iery silent.

"Uhm – Okay what's up you guys?"

I looked at Angel as he sat across from me and lifted an eyebrow.

"We're all just happy to hear you laugh again Faith."

I smiled at him and raised my fist to be bumped. He rolled his eyes but did so none the less before I pointed my fist at Cordelia, apparently I had taken so much time that she was back from dropping Dawn off at school already.

"Bump it gorgeous."

She smirked and winked at me before bumping my fist hard, knowing her rings would sting on my weaker flesh. _Fair enough_. She passed me the cereals and as I looked to my right I saw a forlorn Buffy staring back at me. Her eyes flickering from Cordelia to me, her gaze sad and filled with longing. Huh, she must've really missed Cordy. I recalled her saying how they were friends long before I met them all and I remembered, vaguely that Cordelia had said she and Buffy once found a time of peace in all of their High School drama. _Maybe she'd missed the brunette more than she realized?_

I poured the cereal in my bowl and motioned for the milk. Cordelia just sighed and passed it to me without a word though her fingers grazed mine for a second. I understood her actions immediately, she was just checking to see if I was still here. However when I squeezed her hand she just offered me a sly wink instead, not wanting to appear weak I supposed. _It was show we worked though_. Small little touches here and there, calling each other out on our bullshit and bickering like an old married couple. It was how we showed to each other we cared.

"So what are the plans for today?"

Willow took her cup of coffee from the countertop and walked over to the breakfast bar before plopping down next to Angel. I could see him shift slightly, moving a little away from her and I wondered why he was still so distrusting of all of them. _Surely he'd seen them save the world more times than I had?_ But maybe it was personal, maybe Willow had said or done something to him I wasn't aware of. _Sure could be the case_.

"I guess we'll just keep checking in New York City and Boston. You sure have a hard track record Faith. I mean I can't find you anywhere with the name _Lehane_."

I shrugged.

"Wasn't my _mom's_ that's all I know."

Willow nodded and I could see her store away that piece of information in her head.

"Sides, I was a minor back in the days so nothing on my name. Only _mother_ gave up hers."

I could see Willow getting ready to fire another round of questions but Cordy stepped in before she could.

"At least let her devour her _breakfast_ before you start milking her like a cow Willow. She's just out of bed after being unconscious for **days**; it really is the least you can do. And about her mother, I think I already told you all we know haven't I? She's _dead. _All we know is that her name was Christine or Christina, not sure about that one, and that Faith must've taken her father's name since it is the only thing she's ever been really sure of when it came to her own identity. That _and_ that her mother is from some small town down in Texas. So if you want to check all the Christines in Texas please do but until then would you just _lay off_?"

I had let my hand sneak over the table to hers as it was wrapped tightly around the fork, her knuckles turning white with anger until I laid my fingers over hers and pried the innocent piece of metal out of her grip.

"Calm down C, it's all good. She's just wanting to help me. They _all _are, just as you. It's a good thing yeah? Now let that poor thing _breath_e, you're gonna kill it and it ain't done nothing to ya but serve your _pretty _mouth this morning."

I met her heated gaze across the table and saw the anger dissipate and mirth take over instead. She looked at my hand that was trying to unwrap her fingers from a fork and shook her head in a silent chuckle. Just as she was to speak up a cold, detached voice rung out from beside me spewing the words I had been dreading ever since the return to the newly rebuilt Sunnydale.

"Oh so you care about a lifeless _fork_, but you don't mind murdering _actual_ human beings? Yu know things that actually **do** require _breathing_?"

The words sent a sharp stab of pain straight through my chest and I froze midway of placing the fork down. _Shit that hurt_. My head couldn't turn to meet her eyes; I couldn't see the anger and the disappointment in them. I couldn't bear the idea of seeing anything like that again. Especially not after what had only happened moments ago in our room. _God, I was really stupid to just think she might've really changed her mind about me. _It hurt to think she wanted to try but didn't really feel like it was something she could apparently keep up. _How hard must it not have been for her to be by my side if this was how she really felt now that the fear of me dying was a little less visible?_ I heard the indignant gasp of Cordelia and the booming voice of Angel resounding in my ears but it all seemed so far away as I pulled myself back in my seat. I sat there dazed by the blow she'd just handed me. She might've well slapped me. _Would've stung less I think_.

"She's right. I killed people, innocent people. I took their lives away and here I am cracking _jokes_. It's a **fucking** miracle you even considered helping me to find out who my _shit_ of a father is. Buffy is right. It was a bad call. Now let's just **eat** and get to work yeah?"

I took the bowl from the table and made my way back to the stairs, eager to get away from her. As I heard footsteps behind me my shoulders sagged even further, knowing it wasn't the pesky blonde coming after me to tell me sorry like she had upstairs. She didn't really think I could change after all. How could a person change their mind so quickly though? Over a stupid joke no less.

"Hey hold up Faye."

I waited and turned around to face my dark haired savior.

"Wassup C?"

She just shrugged at me and pointed to a plate of waffles she was holding.

"You never got to taste the _awesomeness_ that is Xander's cooking. Apparently he's really good though. And I drowned them in maple syrup, _just_ as you like it."

I smiled at her, a little tearfully and just nodded. _God how could she just be this perfect?_ I bit my tongue and shook my head. _Why couldn't I just fall in love with her?_ _Why couldn't we have worked out?_ But being friends with her was already so much more than I ever expected to find for myself in this life.

She seemed to read my thoughts as her hand reached out for mine and intertwined our fingers softly.

"I love you Slayer, don't forget that."

I felt my lips tremble at her words, still no used to being loved or cared for. But I nodded at her again and squeezed her fingers.

"I know C. I love you too."

She pulled me towards her and gave me a gentle kiss, conveying what she couldn't tell me with words. I was glad to revel in her comfort, too feel her lips on mine and being told that I had a true friend here. Cordelia would never leave me, she was her to stay. I pulled away. And used my hand to wipe my tears. Gosh I am such a cry-baby.

"And so does Angel okay? And the rest of the gang, we **all **love you Faith. The stupid bitch was out of place with what she said _no matter_ how jealous she might have been."

I looked at her questioningly.

"_Jealous?_"

Cordelia seemed perplexed at my confusion.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. _That_'s not important. Let's go eat _this_ up in _your room_."

I smiled and let it go as I nudged her shoulder before climbing up the stairs.

"Too bad ya didn't ask for whipped cream though and strawberries, _god I love strawberries_."

I heard Cordelia chuckle as her voice dipped lower.

"Oh yeah, I know all about your love for whipped cream and strawberries. You sure have a skilled way of licking them off me."

I let out a heartfelt chuckle at her teasing, not noticing how she had turned her body towards the bottom of the stairs as she spoke, directing her words to someone standing right there. Someone who had seen the kiss and had been listening to our conversation, someone who was sorry and so damn sorry for reacting the way she did. Someone who was staring heartbrokenly at Cordelia as the latter smirked her way with a wicked glint.

"True that C. If we find a cure for me maybe we can try that combination again. Chocolate sauce though this time. Change things up a little."

I pulled on her hand and looked at her smirking face.

"Whatcha looking at C?"

She just turned towards me with a satisfied look and shrugged. I peered beside her seeing nothing.

"Nothing Faye. Absolutely _nothing_."

I just looked at her with a curious expression before dragging her through my bedroom door.

"Well if next time your fingers stay out of my Gigantic Sundae at Mosey's I won't have to _lick your skin._"

Cordelia just chuckled as she closed the door.

"Now where's the fun in _that_ Slayer?


	8. Kids grow up so fast

**Another lengthy update. I've noticed i gained some more followers and some of you guys even reviewed! _Aww_, you just made my day you know that? So i made another chapter for you guys as soon as i got home from my last exam - yes my _last_ you heard it - and typed it all out. This is some Dawn/Faith time and it offers some insight into Buffy's mindset as to paint a less one sided picture about what happened last chapter. No worries there will be Buff/Faith interaction soon enough. And add a pissed off Cordelia with a sexy smile and you've got a room filled with dynamite just waiting to blow some drama around! Anyways, _enjoy_!**

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I_ just looked at her with a curious expression before dragging her through my bedroom door._

_"Well if next time your fingers stay out of my Gigantic Sundae at Mosey's I won't have to lick your skin."_

_Cordelia just chuckled as she closed the door._

_"Now where's the fun in that Slayer?_

* * *

I sighed as she closed the door behind me before I allowed myself to fall face forward onto the bed. Shit well that hurt. I groaned into the blankets and smacked my hand down hard on the duvet in frustration. The bruises and internal bleeding from my past injuries were better than before t-didn't mean they were nonexistent either.

"You better watch where you land _slayer_, not **all** things are soft you know."

I smiled in the duvet and allowed a chuckle to escape my lips.

"Yeah tell me 'bout it. Some things hit _hard_."

I heard her groan before I even turned around to see her eye roll. I let out another sigh as my back met the mattress and I propped myself up on my elbows.

"She was _out of line_ in there Faith. She had _no right_, **NO RIGHT** to attack you like that."

I shook my head and refused to meet her eyes, self-loathing filling my very soul. _I had done so many bad things_. Tears welled in my eyes and my heart lurched in my chest. _I killed people_. I could almost taste the bile in my throat, a faint metallic taste reminded my teeth to stop chewing the inside of my cheek long enough to gather my bearings before I sat up straight and met the concerned eyes with a leveled stare. _I was a murderer_.

"Except she has. She **HAS** every right to still be mad at me for what I did back when C. I _threatened_ her, her family and her friends. I made it my mission to _destroy _what she was _about_, what she was so desperate to defend. I nearly successfully killed Angel. **ANGEL**, our dearest friend!"

She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me forcefully.

"**AND HE FORGAVE YOU FAITH**! He bloody _forgave_ you. _Wesley _forgave you. _Willow_ forgave you. I forgave you. _Xander_ forgave you. _Dawn _forgave you. **Dammit** you have to forgive _yourself_ as well! You can't keep holding on to it as if it **justifies** anything bad happening to you right now. It's not some _excuse_ to allow people to just stomp all over you and poke at your wounds while they're at it! It's not because one person, one **SINGLE** person decides she can't let go after all these years, after all your efforts and with both Angel and The Gang to vouch for you that you should have to put up with her _shit _because it is damn abuse. It is fucking _abuse_ and after the life you've had to live I won't allow you to be the victim of it anymore, not even willingly."

I felt her fingers squeeze my biceps as she settled in my lap, curling into me, pulling me close as her nose nuzzled my neck. I wrapped my arms around her and allowed us to fall back onto the bed. I coddled her by my side and turned her around so I could spoon her. As I held her in my arms and felt her sobs shake through me I realized that no matter how much I still believed I was deserving of this, Cordelia didn't. I could tell how much this was hurting her. I already saw it more than once when I drank myself into a stupor and sprouted myself loathing about for the entire gang to hear. The pity and sympathy had long become compassion. Hurting me meant hurting my friends, my family and I refused to do it to them anymore. _Cordelia was right_. They had forgiven me and while I might not see how I could ever forgive myself I knew deep down in my heart I was no longer that dark, vengeful young girl anymore. _I had been so young when I first got here_, I had been so impressionable but now I was an adult, I had faced my time and did all I could to fix what I had done. Nothing more would help undo what harm I caused. _Nothing can bring back the dead_.

I wrapped her a little closer and whispered soft assurance in her ear and as her breathing evened out and she pressed further into me I swore to do better, _to be better_. Because I might not have enough time left to forgive myself, I damn well sure had enough time to make this as easy and painless for my family as possible_. I just love them to fucking much to give in so easily_. As I felt my own eyes droop I found myself allowing the angry thoughts to be voiced for the first time in my life, as the hateful words fell from my lips unbeknownst to me being heard by Cordelia who wasn't yet totally asleep in my arms.

"**Fuck you Buffy**. I won't let you win this time. I won't allow you to chase me away again. _Fuck you_."

As I drifted off I could faintly recall a small whisper but I supposed I was already entering the land of dreams since there was no one else in the room except for C and I.

"Atta Slayer. It's about _damn_ time."

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A soft knocking on the door had me mumbling something incoherent which could have very well been interpreted as a 'come in'. Anyways I cracked one eye open to watch the door open slowly as a shuffling Dawn made her way in. When her eyes fell on the still exhausted Cordelia passed out in my arms I saw her frowning. Then her lips curled downwards and she looked away before allowing her piercing blue eyes to flicker from her sleeping face to mine – _which was barely awake mind you_.

"What happened?"

I sighed not feeling all that up to it. As I loosened my hold on Cordelia I pushed myself to sit up against the headboard. In her sleep however it seemed she didn't want to let go of me too easily as her arms flung themselves over my waist as she turned into my hips and tightened her hold which caused her head to fall directly into my lap. I smirked, hoping she would wake up in this very position just so I could annoy her with cocky and inappropriate comments when she did. But when I caught the hurt in Dawn's eyes and her foot tapping impatiently I realized maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all. _Damn what is it with these Summer girls and their short temper?_

"_Well?_"

She raised her eyebrow in a very intimidating – _never mind sexy_ – way and tried to smooth her face over with a slightly cold and detached look. But she couldn't fool me as her eyes kept flickering to the sleeping brunette that was curled on the blankets.

"Your _sister_ – well she said some things at breakfast. It didn't go over so well and we _uhm_ – got a bit ya know heavy and we feel asleep..."

I shrugged my shoulders as her defensive stance suddenly disappeared and she moved to the foot of the bed and sat herself down.

"_Oh_. You just fell asleep?"

Her eyes looked tiredly at me with such a maturity that I felt my heart hurt at the sight of such an old soul staring back at me.

"Yeah Kid. She got tired from the crying and all."

The kid really reminded me so much of myself that I couldn't help but feel extremely protective of her – _even if she wasn't my little sister_. It wasn't something I could help. _Not that I wanted to either_.

"What did she say, my sister?"

I shrugged and looked at the floor before combing my fingers through C's ebony locks. It calmed me down just as much as she likes doing it.

"Some comment about – _uhm_ well my not so **nice** past."

Dawn raised her eyebrow again but her face wasn't cold this time, she was angry, bordering on livid in fact. _Ow shit man, not again._

"What. Did. She. Say?"

I swallowed and kicked my inner self for succumbing to the Summer's charms so quickly. Pussy.

"Uhm- _well_ you see I might've said something about a _fork_ breathing cuz well _Miss FancyPants_ over here was gripping it for dear life after Will – _Red,_ pissed her off and – ah _fuck_. Buffy said something along the lines of me suddenly caring about things that don't even _need_ breathing when I didn't mind killing '_actual human beings'_. Or some shit like that."

Dawn gasped and immediately moved to my side, gripping my hand so hard that if I wasn't a slayer I probably would've said it hurt. _Thank god again for those perks_. As soon as she saw me opening my mouth to protest she shook her head and stood up, pacing across the room in an agitated manner. I could see her wringing her hands and calming herself down with every breath to make sure she was able to spit out the words that were rapidly increasing in her brain by the second.

"That, _that_ was out of line. Though I can't say I'm not _surprised_ that she burst like this. It's happened before. When I came to wake you, I – I _noticed _something was off with her again. She was having one of those _bad_ mornings. I could tell."

I just looked at her confused. Dawn caught my expression and sighed again.

"I'm not saying this as an _excuse_ Faith. I want to make it clear that what my sister did this morning, what she said to you is **wrong.** It is wrong on _so many levels_ because I for one already know that she forgave you. She did so a long time ago. She's just a stubborn woman. _It runs in our blood I'm afraid._"

I smiled at that and nodded at her to encourage her in her speech.

"But she's been, _emotionally unbalanced_ for a while now. It's been better and it's been _worse_. Ever since she died and we – I – _ripped_ her from the heavens things changed about her. I made her suffer an excruciating fate because I was too **selfish** to let her go. We _all _were."

I watched her face go through various expressions. Her eyes watered and her mouth frowned in self-loathing. Her gaze focusing on the window for a moment, staring out into a faraway land of a time she was remembering that I couldn't see. Her stance suggested hurt and grief as she wrapped her arms around herself and her back was half turned towards me, shame rolling off of her in waves.

"She pulled through, _more for me_ than anything else. Then The First came back and so did Angel. It all threw her for a loop once again. I could tell she was tired but she's our _precious hero _so she stepped up to the plate and with our help – and you guys from LA – we managed to save the planet once more. But I could tell she was damn sick of being the slayer, she was done being the hero to save the world from _another _apocalypse."

I nodded, remembering overhearing her tell this very fact to Willow back in the bus that was driving toward the nearest hospital. _People dying and bleeding out left and right_. Magic had only managed to do so much as Will – _Red _was exhausted from just performing the most powerful magic the world had ever been privy to. After I met up with Angel and Cordelia in the hospital – _they flew out there the second they knew where we were_ – I left with them once again, not saying goodbye to anyone as I already knew, _no matter my contribution to the eventual victory,_ that I wasn't going to be missed.

"So we took off to Italy for a week or two then we ran into some trouble over there and came back. It seemed that no matter where we went, she couldn't escape her fate of being a slayer. So why not agree with Giles new plan to rebuild Sunnydale? Preferably on another hell mouth so we could watch it as well. And then we started the _academy_ for the new slayers and built them on various hell mouths across the globe and sent our best trained ones to lead it over there. She had some complicated romantic _entanglements _and we were all thrown a bit by them as well as she was. Xan and Anya moved over to England for a while but since she didn't like the weather there they weren't gone for long. Anyways it seemed to all calm down again these last months. No big apocalypses and at least Buffy knew she wasn't alone anymore. But still, it felt as if she was still alone or so she told me. She just felt so _lonely_ all the time."

I watched her desperation, her need for her sister to be okay again. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and comfort her _but what could I say?_ I knew what Buffy was talking about. _This was s a lonely road, only we as original slayers would be able to get that._

"And then you came. Along with your complicated past and a new threat. We all remembered how you helped save the world at the big battle. Buffy even said she passed the Scythe to you when she was struck. That in itself was enough to convince even Willow to help you out. If not only under the guise of '_it's what good people do'_ that they all keep hiding behind."

I snickered at her sarcasm and she grinned at me and shrugged.

"She was pissed to find out that I had been in contact with you for _quite a while_ there."

I shook my head sadly. I never meant for the kid to get into trouble.

"But I told her she wouldn't have understood. I _missed _you. The monks never gave me bad memories of you, only good ones and I missed those. I needed to have you in my life one way or another and when you got hooked up with Angel and his team I saw my opportunity you know? And to have been _of help_ the way I assisted sometimes, you know with the video calls and the 'live streaming' of your meetings well It gave me that which my sister – even though she _promised _– hadn't given me. Power, freedom and most of all a purpose. I was tired of being the little kid waiting by the sidelines and watching the big boys and girls play. You guys _relied_ on me sometimes and it felt right. Then Willow even helped sometimes and it just felt **right** you know? I never doubted that we should have been in each other's lives all along."

I nodded and patted a spot beside me on the bed. Dawn dropped her shoulders and walked over to me as she plopped herself down, allowing her head to rest on my shoulder before glancing at a still sleeping beauty in my arms. Her fingertips danced over her temple and stroked her cheek absentmindedly. I coughed and she startled a bit before her focus was back on continuing her story.

"But Buffy got jealous and we had _another_ massive fight. It wasn't the first and it wouldn't be the last but this time it was even worse than the others. Like your name _alone_ was enough to cause an outburst of 'volcano' Buffy."

I sniggered at her choice of words.

"This leads me to the following question. What happened with my sister this night? Or morning? Y'know _before_ I came to wake you?"

Is sighed and mustered up a bit of courage to open my mouth.

"Your sis and I, we had some big _bonding_ moment last night. She fell asleep in my arms and when we woke up, well we were both a little emotional and we – we made a _mistake_. It was a misunderstanding cuz we were tired and shit and your sis was being all _emotional _and it got kinda awkward. She lashed out at me and I _let _her. She apologized though and we was getting back to our usual rhythm _or whatever_ 'till you burst in and I guess I just noticed she was still a bit _off_. Wasn't anything big or shit, just y'know emotional."

I felt Dawn nod at my explanation and relief poured out of me in a deep breath. She didn't need to know her sister and I kissed. _It was a fluke anyways_. Or so I kept insisting. It couldn't be anything else though. Assuming Buffy felt something for me was not only impossible but an outrageous insult to Buffy. _How could she feel something for me?_ I shook my head sadly. _She made it perfectly clear at breakfast what she still thought of me._

"That could've triggered it. She's been having more outburst and episode since we first put the spell on you. She's been so _worried_ and emotionally _attached_ to you we all knew it was bound to happen. Which it did, _mind you_, multiple times. She's been so on edge lately. It's not just what I told you or the fact that you're dying _per se_, it's something she's hiding. _I can feel it_. She's in inner turmoil and it has nothing to do with forgiving you cuz like I said, she already did that. It's something deeper, I just can't figure out **what**."

I frowned.

"Well I can't help you Kid. _I_ wouldn't know either."

She nodded again.

"I gotta get going soon again. Tell Cordy I came by?"

I smiled down at her blue eyes and pressed a soft kiss to her temple before I nodded.

"Sure Kid."

Another longing glance was shot at the brunette in my arms and I made another mental note about it. There was just something about the way she regarded the woman in my arms that spurred on a slight tingle in the back of my neck. _What was up with these two?_

"Thank you Faith."

I just smiled.

"Ain't no biggie."

She shook her head and disentangled herself from me as she turned to stand.

"No I meant in general."

I looked at her questiongly."

"You saved the world _too _that day. Ad you've been such a great sister to me and the best friend to Cordy. And Angel too of course. So just, _thank you_. I don't know if anyone has ever said it but there you have it. _You_ need to hear it just as much as we all did. Thank you."

I felt tears prickle at the corner of my eyes so just nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. Her arms flew around my neck briefly and she planted a kiss on my cheeks before she wrapped a scarf around her neck and dashed out the door, closing it behind her. _God, that Kid was growing up so fast._

* * *

**So how about it? Any ideas, wishes, comments? R&R! It's like crack to me! **

***ps: Cordelia and Faith are not IN love with eachother, they love eachother though and sleep together sometimes because they trust eachother and y'know how you can get all lonesome (and horny) and emotional. But that doesn't mean Cordy won't pull out her flirty side just to piss Buffy off ;)**


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